My Jesus Year: A Year of Breakdowns, Rebirth & Finding Home

It's February 4, 2019, and I only have three days left in my Jesus Year. And what a day to reflect while snowed in Seattle overlooking the sunset across the Puget Sound. There will only be three more sunsets until the sunrises on my 34th birthday this February 7, 2019. 

Christians say Christ died at the age of 33 and resurrected after three days. Three is a powerful number, one that signifies the trinity of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Three signifies the union between the mind, the body and the spirit. 

At the age of 22, I studied yoga in India and wrote, "Finding Om: An Indian Journey of Rickshaws, Chai, Chapatis and Gurus."

At 33, I packed the same bag and hiked the Camino de Santiago Portuguese Way. 

My Jesus Year was a "baptism" to further trust in God.  

I never had a year quit like 2018. It was a year when nearly everything went wrong. Divorce, re-exploring the modern dating world, losing contracts, temporarily losing my day job and people trying to deceive me - describing this as a hard year is an understatement. 

I discovered how brutal modern society is. The lies. The deceit. The bullshitting. Millennial men nearly drove me to become a radicalized feminist. Darkness and hardship were significant pieces of my life during this time. I can't remember how many times I cried, but I also laughed a lot too. I had some great moments rock climbing and meeting new friends, but my soul cried inside for the constant anguish and pain. I knew somehow there were lessons in all of this heartache. I wasn't mad. I wasn't bitter. I needed to transmute this energy and do something for me. 

At times, I thought about running into a forest. And well....I ended up on that path. 

At times I joked, "How much worse can it get?" And well, life continued to pull the rug from underneath me. The moment I lost my day job, I bought a ticket to Porto, Portugal to walk the Camino de Santiago trail. 

I am of the utmost thankful for the hardship in 2018 as it made me grow, let go, and walk into a new chapter in my life. 

The Camino is a path of suffrage. Not only did my body ache and suffer with each footstep on top of the cobblestone. With every step forward I walked into the new me. A new chapter in life and hopefully, love. But, my love for God deepened. 

I had fear. Fear is real. Fear is a legit feeling one has toward something. At points on the camino, I had meltdowns as I was the only soul on the trail. At times I felt alone. This triggered my wound on the fear of being alone. At times I have no fear of being on my own. I have my own peace, but I have found that going through life with another human being is one of the most precious gifts in life.  

Love will always be the most powerful force on the planet. 

I've traveled a fair amount in this world. Exploring a country on two feet is such a different experience. I fell in love with Portugal and the Portuguese people more than I ever had. I walked the camino during Venus retrograde, which lasts 40 days. Jesus walked in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and avoided Satan's temptations.

My camino was a cathartic purge, a trail that led me to a new chapter. 

The Camino de Santiago was a lifesaver. It initiated a new chapter in my book of life. A rebirth. A coming out as Christian. I found a new love with life, myself, the planet, Christ and God. 

I believe in Christ. I also believe in being conscious. There is a disconnect amongst both communities. Many conscious people hate Christians. And many Christians are not conscious and disconnected from their bodies. The camino gave me the strength and the confidence to move forward with my dreams. 

​Even if it doesn't work out like I'd hope, my soul has been called to further the spread the light from a new lens. Before the camino, I had dreams of writing a book about my experience. I've had inklings about writing another book over the last year. But this time, the title would be, "Finding Home." 

​I don't know how many times I cried in 2018, definitely over one hundred. But, not all tears are tears of sadness. Some tears were tears of happiness. Other tears were emotional due to being touched by God.

​Although most of my Jesus Year was rough, I am thankful for everything I learned because it's led me to a better place. Like a graduation, my "diploma" from divorce has led me to be wise like a serpent, and innocent like a dove. We'll see what God and life has in store for me. Que Sera Sera. 

Happy Jesus Year to you! Check out my Camino de Santiago Portuguese Way videos on Youtube!

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